“The Experience”

As mentioned in my previous blog, I started this blog to share a little about myself and my experiences. To date, I have done a great job of sharing my opinion, but I have not been so great at sharing my experiences.

Well, that is about to change… I have decided to blog about Yes you read it right!

After speaking with my 2nd oldest friend in the world, I decided to log on and check it out. A few days later as I was on instant messenger with my good friend in London I decided to sign up for the 3 day trial.

If you ever wanted to know about online dating, feel free to follow my journey. I cannot promise that I will blog daily, but I will promise to give you as many details as possible about being Exposed to

As I was chatting online with my friend in London, I decided to log on and check out a few profiles. After browsing a few pages and finding some humorous profiles, I noticed you could send a “wink” to contact people that interest you. Winks are a way for members to “break the ice” and let you know that they liked your profile. Each time someone winks at you, an email is sent to notify you of his or her interest! The only catch was in order to wink you had to create a profile. So, 30 minutes later and several personal question about who you are and what your looking for in a mate, my profile was created.

My dilemma, should I put myself on blast and upload a photo? After careful consideration and coming across profiles of three people that I know, I decided HELL NO! ha haaa I also winked at 6 guys. After realizing the wink thing really is not going to work because there is no way to receive an email reply, I decided to sign up for a 3-day trial. The only catch with the 3-day trial is you have to give your credit card information and agree to atleast a 30-day subscription if you do not cancel before the 3-day trial is over.

Now signed up for the 3-day trial, I said why not go for it and decided to email a few guys I emailed exactly 12 guys. After I sent the emails, I thought they may not respond with out a photo, so I sent all 12 guys another email which included a link to a photo that best represents me.

As of Day 1, I only had one guy respond. His first email was all of 4 words. His second email was “can you send me a photo?” He claimed he did not receive my photo in the email.

Humbling Experience

Well, I must say regardless of what you think of yourself, will either confirm or force you to re-evaluate. Going into Day 2, I realized that none of the prospects I emailed responded. Could it be my photo? Maybe they think I am not attractive. My first thought was, it can’t be that. Can it????

Now feeling a bit insecure, I decided to re-read my profile and what I had to say. Instantly I thought, maybe I am coming across to strong. Not sure how considering I have written all of 2 paragraphs. Considering 81 people have viewed my profile in 24 hours, there has to be something wrong if no one is emailing.

Finally I received a few winks that I did not initiate. I am so excited, but quickly let down when I noticed all the interest is from men of other ethnicities. I have never had a problem with interracial dating; however, I am not interested in a man 10 years older than me! Why am I receiving so much interest from old men?

Last Day of the Free Trial
August 31st

Ok I am convinced, is broken! My profile must be mixed up with someone else. Is the email working? I have sent out about 15 emails and I have not received one return email.

Finally, someone knows I exist and I receive a few unsolicited emails. Since I was running out of luck with LA men, I decided to contact men in NY. There is nothing like a NY man. Well apparently, they are not interested either. Ha haaa…

I had one guy email me and state point blank:

thanks for the wink. i see your in CA!
obviously it will not work out since i’m in NY.
i wish you well in your search and your travels.
happy Labor day!!

Another guy emailed me and said:

Your profile is cool but not
really sure if we match well
but I’m always willing to talk to anyone
who’s a “24” fan lol.

Interesting enough, for all the rejection, I have come across two guys that seem to be interesting. One guy who I initiated contact with in NYC and another guy who found me. Because I think I will have lots to say about both in the future we will call them NYC1 and LA2.

NYC1 has asked for my personal email and to be honest, I was more than willing to give it to him. Although I am not looking for anything, he is tall, nice looking and seems to have a great personality.

LA1 recently moved back from the South and he seems to be looking for love. Many of his comments and questions have been very shraight forwarded. Based on his claims, he seems to be a good catch for anyone. Can’t say that there is a match, but I am definitely interested in learning more about him.

A bit disappointed in the lack of results, I decide to change my profile picture and add a few more photos. I also responded to two guys of other ethnicities that emailed me.

DAY 1 (30-Day Subscription)
30 Days and Counting: Personal email and Instant Message
September 1st

Today I took the plunge and started talking to NYC1 on IM. This guy is super cute and has a great sense of humor. He seems not to take himself too serious. He has asked me a few personal questions, which is always uncomfortable, but I am going to go with the flow and see how things pan out. After all, he is 3000 miles away. Ha haaa…

To date, I have had 300+ profile views. I have had about 15 guys wink at me, but no one that I am remotely interested in wasting time emailing. 95% of my profile views have been from other ethnicities. Also, Blue the only guy to email me on Day 1 has yet to reply. I have contemplated whether I should email him again.

Thanks but NO THANKS!: Keep looking. Other opportunities…
September 2nd

As a member of no one wants to receive the following message:

Keep looking. Other opportunities…
(name omitted) received your wink and reviewed your profile, but is not interested.
Don’t get discouraged!

With millions of singles on, you’re bound to find a few that aren’t right for you. Don’t let that stop you; instead, search for and contact other members who are waiting to meet you!

Aside from receiving my first “not interested” email, I decided to take the plunge and move forward with NYC1 and LA1. Well, I am happy to report after speaking with NYC1 on instant messenger a few times he clearly is a pervert. Ha haaa…. After trying to be spontaneous and do something out of the norm for my character, I arranged a meeting with LA1 only to be stood up!

As of today, I have received over 400 profile views and so far, I have not had very much luck. I am not remotely interested in anyone that is viewing my profile. I guess I am not yet ready to accept that 50+ year old men are checking me out!

My 30 days of continues…
September 22nd

Well unlike the romantic comedy How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days I cannot say that I have a happy ending to my story. For those who have been following my experiment, I am sorry so much time has passed since my last blog entry.

As you are aware, I met a guy (LA1) that somewhat sparked my interest. One of the main reason’s why I have not blogged is because I have been on a wild ride hanging out with LA1. In order to catch everyone up and make this story easy to follow, I will divide my story into sections.

First Date:
I am nervous! This is the first time I EVER met someone online and actually decided to meet face-to-face.

After being stood up by LA1, we planned to meet the following day. Not able to decide on a meeting place he suggested that I meet him at his house, which is a big NO NO for more than one reason. After talking to him he insured me that we would meet down stairs, so I decided to go for it. One of the big reasons why is because when I signed on to, my whole point was to try new things and do everything opposite of what I would usually do.

Upon arrival I felt super comfortable. There actually was a small park with benches outside, so we were able to sit outside and have a very intimate conversation, which in my eyes was perfect for a first meeting/date.

Our Meetings/Dates:
If you can believe it, for the next four days LA1 and I hung out. Our meetings/dates consisted of a cute sexy lounge for drinks (I do not drink) where I had an opportunity to meet some of his female friends, we met for lunch, had dinner with some of my friends, and we went hiking. As you can imagine, things were moving fast and by this time I was so comfortable, on the fifth day I ended up going to his house to watch football.

Doing Everything Opposite:
Ok as mentioned, I went into this with one clear objective; Do EVERYTHING opposite of what I would normally do! So, although up until this point things sound like I have met my perfect match on, I have to admit it was not all that easy. We clearly hit a few bumps in the road within the first 5 days; however, I ignored them. Some of the things I ignored was LA1 going in for the kill (getting physically) around day 3. I also ignored his clear lack of consideration for time. More importantly, I allowed him to call me anytime he wanted and I always made sure to pick up the phone. This is important because I love standing guys up, I love asking them not to call me after 8PM, and I love being mean!

One of my biggest issues with him was simple. If you ask me to meet at 7pm, I expect you to be on time or to at least let me know your running late. After all, things happen. I should not find out your late by calling you. LA1’s thought is if he is running late, you are supposed to be there waiting. Now, I have no problem with that once we have established we are in a relationship.

Also, I hate text messaging. Usually a guy that decides to text vs. calling more than likely is not available to freely talk. Meaning he is juggling women and texting the next girl while hanging out with the other girl he is courting.

One thing that was major for me was the fact that under normal circumstances, I would NEVER accept a guy’s calls or call a guy everyday. After all, you have to give them time to miss you. Also, you can’t seem too needy. More importantly, meeting my friends is a NO NO! Believe it or not, I have never “intentionally” brought a guy around my friends. Not to mention a guy I just met! Ha haaa… Please don’t get me wrong, aside from the small minor bumps I was some what happy about the direction things were going. However, a respectful young lady has to have some standards.

And On The Fifth Day…
Well the fifth meeting/date was something that I was toying with. We had decided to watch football at his house, but a part of me was saying maybe we need a break. For whatever reasons I was moving very slow that day. Sure enough as I called to let LA1 know I was on my way, he politely states “We can always do this another time”.

Is he canceling on me???? Is he clearing his schedule for one of the many other women he claims is chasing him? After all, this guy is somewhat arrogant and seems to believe/know that he is a good catch. In fact, he once told me that he understood the ratio of men to women is in his favor.

Doing EVERYTHING opposite, I went ahead with going over his house, but must admit I was somewhat uncomfortable. I couldn’t help but think why do women put themselves out there like this.

Down Hill From This Point:
Although we made some tentative plans for the next few days, nothing came of them. I was stood up and he LA1 was rude and inconsiderate in the way it happened. These were mainly late night hook ups, which are already a definite no no, but hey what the hell. Up until this point, I have down EVERYTHING wrong anyway. Because I think so much like a man, I told myself he may not even think anything of it. In fact, I thought to myself whether or not he was even aware that he stood me up or maybe it’s the comment he made about us “never getting to the point”… of having sex!

The Work Out Date:
Wow, it’s been 2 whole days and I have not hooked-up with LA1. Earlier in the day I invited him to attend an Adidas commercial wrap party and we also planned to hook-up and work out. When I text him to let him no I was on my way, his reply “I am at the barbershop”. In disbelieve, I replied and asked “are you canceling?” His reply, I will be home in 45 minutes.

Adidas party vs. working out vs. hair cut. To me this is a clear sign HE IS NOT INTERESTED, so I got dressed and went to the Adidas party. Shortly afterwards I received a message from him saying “I waited, but you never showed up, so I am leaving.”

Okay, did I miss something? We clearly have a break down in communication. Was I supposed to just show up? Again, if I felt we were like that, I probably would have. However, given LA1’s track record the last few days why wouldn’t I have gone to the Adidas party and had fun?

Keeping in the theme of doing EVERYTHING different, I opted to call him from the party. We agreed that I would come over after I left. Considering it was an early engagement and I was only staying one hour, I left the party and headed for LA1’s. Right before I arrived he called and asked if I had workout clothes. Yes, he wanted to still work out. Luckily I had a pair of sneakers in my car, so we ended up working out. Although we were off to a rough start, things seem to fall in place. So much so, I ended up sleeping over for a bit.

Saturday Morning:
I have not seen LA1 since Thursday night/Friday morning. Doing EVERYTHING opposite of my normal program, I decided to call him. He asked that I come over. I said no problem. His response NOW!

My first thought, Is this guy testing me or does he really want to see me? Well, I opted to take the bait, so I headed over… I saw him for all of 20 minutes because he was headed out to spend the weekend with his daughter.

Meeting My Second Oldest Friend In The World:
If nothing else, we have one thing in common, FOOTBALL! Feeling a bit uneasy about the direction things are going in, I requested that he meet me and some friends at a sports bar. After allot of questions and sarcasm, to my surprise he showed up. Of course my girlfriends absolutely loved him. More importantly they were shocked that I brought a guy around. Little did I know this would be the last time I saw him.

Act Like A Tramp Expect To Be Treated Like A Tramp:
Okay to fill in some gaps in this crazy story. There were a few nights that I stayed over; however, we both slept fully clothed. Regardless, a young lady should never allow herself to be in this situation. I admit we fooled around, but again there is no excuse for my behavior. Along with LA1, I often spoke with my girlfriend about how women “go hard” and how they do whatever it takes including cooking, cleaning, putting up with bullsh*t, and even having sex very early on to keep a man. All these concepts are foreign to me because I have never had to go through all this. More importantly, I REFUSE to go through any of that very early in a relationship.

I admit that I did EVERYTHING out of character in dealing with LA1. I did almost EVERYTHING opposite of what I would usually do. I had an opportunity to experience something new and somewhat exciting. I cannot say that I would go through this again and do things the same, but I will say that I am glad to have done what I did. This experience has helped me realize that it is okay to enjoy life, but more importantly, I am proud that I have so much self-respect. More importantly it has reiterated to me that I am worthy of being someone’s girlfriend and hopefully wife. Not that I ever doubted it.

Where Do I Go From Here?:
LA1 finally text me after three days, but I decided not to reply. As of today, I am a bit unsure as to what I want to do. I feel like I have acted so out of character, that no matter what I do, he will never respect me. Than on the flip side, I kind of feel like maybe I should condition myself and go for the challenge. After all, what better way to learn and prepare for the next situation? I also keep asking myself, is he even worth my time? I will spoil the man that I am involved with, but not because I am worried about him straying. It’s because he is spoiling me. Unfortunately, I cannot say that LA1 has it in him to spoil me and treat me like the princess I am.

Is he A Keeper?
At this point, I do not know. He has some good qualities and we have a lot in common. My only concern is that he has dealt with so many weak women that he may require too much retraining. Unfortunately, most men are victims of weak and insecure women. Women willing to do anything to keep a man have caused many men to misunderstand their place and roles. Fortunately, I am not one of them. I do know that I am a Keeper!

September 23, 2008

I am happy to announce I have decided to disable my account. Today when I signed on to, I immediately click on the Who’s Viewed You” link only to find that more old men had decided to check me out. YUCK!

Now, I am all for interracial dating, but I DO NOT want an old man from a different race. I do not want an old man period! As I have said for years, I only date men born in the 70’s as I was born in the 70’s.

Aside from the old men, I decided to disable my profile because it just seems useless. I have only met 3-4 guys and only one WAS worthy of my time. The other 2-3 guys all live out of town, but their conversations via IM have not held my attention longer than 5 minutes.

Phrase One and Two
September 24th

For several days I have contemplated what to do about LA1. Last night as I was driving home from hanging out at yet another wack event for some strange reason I started to reminice about my late night redovous with him. Interesting enough, earlier that day I spoke with my girlefriend in London and I devised a scheme that would either help me turn the tables where he was chasing me or the plan would enable me to be over it all together. We call it Operation LA1.

Phrase One of the plan includes me refraining from contacting him. After all, if he was really interested in me he would call. Right? Phrase one also included me waiting for at least 7 days after the second time he contacted me before responding to him. During this phrase, once contact was made I would turn it up. Meaning if I wanted him back (not sure if I ever lost him or ever had him) I would show him that I was ready. In order to catch and keep a man like this, you have to let him chase you and you have to challenge him. However, you cannot be too much of a challenge. If I was over it all together, I would let him know what I thought and why “he” should move on.

Phrase Two of the plan includes me contacting LA1 on the last day of my subscription to lett him know I decided to unsubscribe and to give him the link to this blog. This phrase also includes me putting it out on the table explaining that this was an experiment, but it was not a game. During this phrase I would let the chips fall and land where ever, but I would be content on being over the situation if that’s where it was headed. Because of the nature of informing someone that everything you have done up until this point was an experiment, deciding to let LA1 read this blog would probably end whatever connection we had. Am I prepared for this? I am not sure. Is he mature enough to understand that yes this was an experiement, but clearly I have some feelings for him?

The Plan vs. Reality:
Ok, so now that you know what I had planed, let me tell you what actually happened…ha ha. After struggling with whether or not to call LA1 last night, I drove home and went to bed. When I woke up this morning I called. Of course, I did not receive an aswwer. Because it was so early I thought maybe he was walking the dog, so I decided to hang up and call back later. Well, he still did not anser, so I decided to leave a message. Soon after I decided to text him. Well of course he immediately replied to my text. TYPICAL…

It’s Official:
We are now communicating again. Yes I know, Phrase One of Operation LA1 is not going exactly according to plan. I gave in a bit early. I am not one to play games, so I figured it would not kill me to follow my heart just a little bit.

Did I Make a Wise Decision:
After a few text messages, I decided to ask him if he wanted to go to lucnh. Not knowing what to expect, I prepared myself for the worse. To my surprise he accepted my lunch proposal sort of. He said lunch sounds good, but he forgot his wallet. No biggie right? Afterall this is a guy that has taken me out to dinner and for drinks.

The Lunch Date:
No, I am not nervous. Maybe just a bit excited. Why wouldn’t I be. Here is a guy for good, bad, or worst makes me feel something whether it’s sexy or mad that he thinks he can walk over me. As always I have no clue where to go, so I just started driving. As we were driving he made a comment about me stating that I would never see him again when I left his house the last time. This comment through me for a loop. Who doesn’t say things they don’t mean. I thought I meant it at the time I said it giving the circumstances. After all, Act Like A Tramp, Get Treated Like A Tramp!

Turns out, his comment was the perfect gateway for me to let him know that up until this point it has been an experiment, but not a game. He needed to know whether he believed me or not and that how I acted was not my character. Ok here goes… I told him EVERYTHING, but more importantly, I told him that I was interested in him and although I knew he had many girls chasing him, none of them were me. I also let him know what I expected and how I wanted to be treated. I was hoping by being open and honest we could move forward. Can we move forward?

Lunch was great. I really enjoyed seeing him. It felt right. Things were flowing. After lunch he even gave me a familiar goodbye kiss. Wow was I missing that from him? Before giving him a goodbye kiss we talked about hooking up later that night. I let him know that I wanted to see him before he left for the weekend. The way I figured it, if he made time for me later, he was a keeper and I needed to get myself together and be over the experiement and act like a young lady who possibly wanted to be someones girlfriend.

I decided to put everthing behind me that had happened, but I was still a bit on the fence as to whether he would come back around. Let’s face it, this guy has dissed me and treated me as if I was just another girl in his stable of chicks. Am I just another girl? I would hope not, but we shall see.

September 26th

What do you do when you make an effort to see a person and they clearly are not interested? KEEP IT MOVING!

After my lunch date with LA1, I expressed to him that I wanted to see him before he left to go out of town. He was traveling on Friday and I thought hanging out with him one night before he left would not only get us back on track, but give him something to miss. Ha ha…

I made every effort to hook up with him. I called him and text him after our lunch date… no answer, no reply. The next day bright and early, he text me, so of course I am thinking I will see him later for sure. Can you believe he did not reply!

It’s Over! For real this time.:
I was so upset with myself by the end of the day I was
restless. I could not stop thinking WHY did I allow myself to get entangled in this situation. Not wanting to go to bed mad, I sent him a nasty text message and turned over and went to sleep. My text message stated “I am unhappy, and clearly you are not interested in seeing me. People make time for things they want.”

As you already know, bright and early this morning he text me and said “Good Morning”. Of course I replied and he did not answer.

September 27th

Rise and shine. It’s Saturday morning and it’s time for a fresh start. Although I am over, I am in the last days of my subscription, so why not log on. I decided to erase everything I wrote describing myself and replace it with one line… “email me if your curious”. Unfortunately, that was too short. Match requires 200 characters. At this point completely over it, I add more “fluff”, but I kept my message the same. I also changed my photo. Why not! I also decided to contact 3 guys.

Well to my surprise, I had a message from a guy (DC1) that I had communicated with via email a few times. Since I knew my Match subscription was ended soon and according to him he is a gainfully employed police officer in DC, I decided to offer him my personal IM. An hour later, he sent me an instant message. Maybe my mind was not into it, but after 20 minutes of useless conversation I was a bit over it. Ha haaa… Nice guy, but wrong state of mind for me at the time.

As you can imagine, I said what the hell and called LA1. Of course he did not answer the phone, so I text him. Can you believe he did not reply? Considering his track record, I guess it’s not that hard to believe.

September 28th

What’s up with the generic text? I got a text message from LA1. The text said “Hey Sexy Good Morning”. Seriously, I just don’t get it. Actually, I am convinced he sends the same generic text message to all his girls. This explains why he does not reply. Also, I believe he sends this message just for a reply, but he has no intention on replying. It’s more or so a game and a power play for him. I really think he can care less if I reply.

September 29th

Can you believe it’s been 30 days of All good things must come to an end. In this case, it may be more appropriate to say all bad things must come to an end.

I have nothing bad to say about; however, I will say that was not for me. I think it is a great outlet for people who are shy, busy, or have a hard time meeting people in person, but it is not for me. Aside from my own experience, for the most part all the profiles that read seemed sincere. Men on Match come across as they are really looking for someone special. In my case, I think I initiated contact with about 25 guys in the 30 days I was on Match, but sadly I only received about 4 replies. Many men winked at me and I had several email me. As of today I have had 900 profile views. I know your thinking why wasn’t I able to make a connection? Simple… I would rather grow old alone than waste my time on 99% of the guys that expressed an interest in me. ha haaa Although I do not have a happy story to share, I am sure there are many other success stories.

Where Do I Go From Here?:
The best thing that came from my experience was the fact that I am leaving with an open mind. I have realized that it is okay not be so reserved all the time and to be a bit more social. I am not sure how long the social thing will last, but I will say I have enjoyed the last 4 weeks. Going into this experiment with the goal of doing everything opposite, I also decided to be very open with a few of my friends about my love life. I appreciated the opportunity to share my story and my friends seemed to hang onto every word. This was a great moment, but I really have come to the conclusion that I like being private and after today I will no longer share anything about my relationships. The good thing about sharing is you have someone to bounce ideas off. The bad side is the very same people you share your stories with will judge you and become opinionated about what you are doing.

Is There A Happy Ending for Me and LA1?:
When I decided to write about my experience, I never thought that it would revolve around one guy. As of today, I have had no contact with him. For the last few days, I have thought about him, but because of the constant games he plays, I just do not think it is wise for me to keep putting myself out there.

When I received his generic text message this morning, I was not that excited and that is not a good sign. Had he decided to call me or even say “Hey babe let’s hang out today” I probably would have jumped at the opportunity and felt a bit more inclined to reply. Instead, I ignored him. Believe it or not, one hour later I received another text message from him asking why haven’t he heard from me. For a split second I was super happy then of course reality set in.

This guy plays too many games and he is not capable of giving me what I want. I don’t want much. All I want is someone that picks up the phone when I call, someone that can hang out with me 2-3 days a week, go bowling, watch football, and grab a bit to eat. Is that too much to ask for???? After all, I am not looking for love, I am not looking to get married, and more importantly, I was very happy and secure when I met him!

p.s. I am so confused, I have yet to make a decision on Phrase Two of Operation LA1!


4 responses to “ “The Experience”

  1. Pingback: 30 Days of «

  2. April

    This is so funny. I was laughing out loud!

  3. Rita

    I thought I was the only one! My experience has been about the same, only 10 days left.

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